There's just something about you & I..

had my first exam today, it was okay i guess.. i don’t really think ill get an A. i hope i have but i’m not going to get my hopes up when i didn’t understand some of it.

also went to kingston and bought new clothes. skinny jean short things and 2 snapbacks, because i’m such a wannabe hipster!

getting drunk tomorrow. super fucking excited. gonna get so fucking mashed. then back to revising on the weekend.

Feeling quite confident about my upcoming S2 exam. Been going to the Epsom library to revise (as quite frankly, too many distractions at home) and it’s helped me tremendously. i can actually manage to do most of the questions! soo helpful

cannot. wait. to. get. fucking. trollied. after. exams.

went out after work with Charley, Amiee, Laura + Luke. came home and tried to do a past paper for mechanics, because my exam is in 15 days. I couldn’t even do one question. looked at  the mark scheme, confused the fucking shit out of me even more. i need to knuckle down and do the fucking work, but everytime i try i just give out of confusion and frustration, i know i need to get some help but i can’t seem to do it. fuck sake.

need to stop going out after school. or on weekends. actually i think i just wanna stop going out at all, just until my exams are over. so fucking stressed out about them, and i need to do well, i fucking NEED to get good grades. an amazing opportunity has been given to me job-apprenticeship-wise and i need the grades to get in. i really fucking hope i can do this. 

i miss so many people. i promise everyone once my exams are over we are going to party hard. really fucking hard. roll on 22nd june.

went for a gym & swim with Charlie today, was really good to catch up and have a chat and a gossip. i’m a girl, what can i say ;) 

feeling extremely emotionally unstable at the moment. hmm.

also feeling incredibly sexual, lol

can’t really be bothered with tumblr at the moment. whatever. today went to kayleigh’s with charley and it was such a chilled out nice evening, just talking about old memories etc. thoroughly enjoyed myself.

feeling extremely close to some people. and weirdly abscent from others. also feeling particularly horny. actually i’m just thinking about sex all the time. i don’t even know if i want sex right now, but all i can think about it sex, or maybe i just want to be sexually desired. hmm. weird.

had a meal at pizza hut with people for Lora’s birthday, was really tastyyyy. i feel bad for her though, because all of her friends basically ignored her most of the night, then they got all weird about paying the bill, then as she was saying goodbye to me and charley her other mates walked off and didn’t wait for her. literally like just vanished, it was really rude to be honest. 

had a chilled night with charley, luke and amiee though, really fucking exhausted though. swear i’m just getting more and more ill, i fucking hate being ill. 

jesus fucking christ, cassie is becoming unbelievably psycho lately. tell her i need space, facebook inboxes me all the time. block her from facebook. texts and calls me all the time, ignore the texts and calls. tumblrs about me. tweets about me. LEAVE ME ALONE. i don’t think you realise that all these abusive and headfucking messages you keep sending me are just pushing me further and further away from you, you say you made a mistake by breaking up with me, then act like it. 

all i’ve ever asked for since we broke up was space and time, and yet you refuse to give it to me. i’ve even had to resort to blocking you from tumblr, facebook AND twitter. seriously. i get that it must be hard for you, do you honestly think i’m just saying i need space and time for the sake of it? 

when you read this, which i know you inevitably will, just sit down and think for a moment. this isn’t a tumblr post writing abuse about you, or saying ‘shit’ about you. it’s a message. the way you keep acting towards me is driving me further and further away from you, if that’s what you want, then by all means continue. this isn’t easy for me.

feel so tired, all the time. like i’m constantly half asleep, i can’t concentrate in any of my lessons which is really bugging me because i’m trying to do well for my exams and can’t seem to even stay awake in school!

parents keep arguing lately, like all the fucking time, can’t even have a minutes piece and quiet in this house. sister keeps coming home crying from the days arguing with her fucking pathetic friends, swear those girls need a fucking slap.

not to mention my ex-girlfriend ringing me at like half past midnight, hello trying to sleep here!? sending me texts telling me she thinks it was all a mistake blah blah blah, does she not understand that i’ve told her i need space and time about 20million times. we agreed we wouldn’t speak outside of work until after the exams are over, but she’s still texting me every other day. beginning to just piss me off more than anything. babe, YOU dumped ME, stop making out like i’m the fucking bad guy when you were the one that ripped my heart out. 

fucking just want to go out and get fucked up all the fucking time. SO ANGRY ABOUT EVERYTHING ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh